As part of my job at Microsoft helping our customers build out highly awesome solutions on Azure, I see a lot of code. Some good, some bad, some so tremendously awkward (often in very subtle ways) that I ran away screaming. In this session we'll explore some (highly anonymized) examples of anti patterns in action, and how to identify and address several of these patterns in the context of cloud services at scale. Disclaimer: there will be humor, sarcasm, and a fair bit of bad code written by yours truly.